The page is blank. It
is staring at you, you are staring at it. You have everything and anything to
say, yet the words cannot be found here. Your hand is not scrawling letters and
your fingertips are not hitting the keyboard. Still you wait. Your brow deep in
a frown, the clock barely moving and eyes blinking the same white. You wait
some more.
You are frustrated. Why can’t I say what I want? Why can I not write?
Are the thoughts, questions that go through your head. You need to get this
done, you can’t get distracted now. No, distractions this time.
You must keep looking
at the page. You have to keep asking yourself the same thing over and over
until the first few words spring out and darken the all-white page.
What is stopping you?
Is it boredom? Is it that TV show you are missing? Is it confusion or is it
fear?
Fear stops us. First
words are daunting, because it is the same as breaking silence only in written
form. We are afraid to look in the mirror for what we imagine ourselves to look
like rather than what we appear to be.
You have experienced
this. I have experienced this. It is
human.
Yet so many people
don’t understand the same fear which drives anxiety? You say of course I
understand anxiety, everyone gets anxiety. And it’s true, everyone experiences
nervousness from sitting in an exam to being asked questions in your first job
interview. Everyone gets anxious.
But what if that spike
of nerves or that instinct to run hit you every day? Like the blank piece of
paper you are always staring it down, because you can’t think of the words, you
can’t find the solution or the cure to heal your fears.
What is it like living
with ‘anxiety’?
It is obvious. Not
easy. Imagine yourself not being able to go out the house, because when you go
out you feel judged by others. It is like when you walk into the room where
people have been clearly talking about you. It is that uncomforting feeling
that follows you wherever you go.
It is feeling useless.
You are told you are not, but you feel it anyway. Because you have told it to
yourself a thousand times that you believe it.
Anxiety is limitless.
It is unique it is you.
It is the label tied
around your neck that makes you feel different when you are similar and similar
when you are different.
It is an excuse, but it
is also a truth.
It is fueled by
doubts, dominated by question and powered by fear.
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