By the
time I think of how to put this into words I will have finished the tube of
Smarties that are sitting at my desk. Perhaps it’s my kiddish side thinking
that with each time I’m not typing or thinking about thinking that having a ‘smartie’
will give me a smart idea. I can’t quite decide whether this ideology is right
or wrong, either way I’m typing this down.
Yep the
Smarties have now officially gone – I’m sorry you should have asked if you
wanted me to save you one. Anywho, I have shredded my anxiety. Literally
shredded. Like it has been torn into little tiny shreds in a monster machine
that has gobbled them up. And I’m not going to lie it was a bit of an anti-climax.
There was no-one singing or a rainbow shooting over my head, but it still felt
pretty darn good.
So, it
all came about when someone decided to give me a message in the form of a
little reading. Believe what you will, but it felt like there was some reason
that it caught my eye. Funnily enough it talked about casting off your anxiety,
do you see the irony now? Well, not only did it talk about throwing away your
woes, but seeing your common worries as if they were an annoying mosquito. And
what do you do when you see that mosquito? You normally slap it off as soon as
your brain has registered the beady little thing that it was you were staring
at. It told me, this is how we should view anxiety. When in the scenarios such
as the mosquito or in fight and flight, we don’t spend time doddling about in
our thoughts, we deal with instantly. Just like when we touch boiling water,
our instinct is to jump away – not to think. Therefore, that is just how we
should treat anxiety.
Too
often we tip-toe around ourselves in an obvious game of hide and seek. Too many
times do we try to shove what we fear to the corner of our minds like quickly
closing the doors of a wardrobe that has too many clothes in – then running
away. We know what is going to happen. That the clothes are going to fall out
and everything is going to be a mess. But we choose not to face it. We say not now
and do not look back. However, now you realise if you had dealt with the
wardrobe in the first place, if you took some of the clothes out and dealt with
them, you wouldn’t be faced with the seemingly bigger problem later.
I
suppose it is like the time when you know something is going to fall out the
fridge when the next person opens it. But, you don’t have to deal with it – so you
close the door quick. On the day this happens to you, you are the one who has
to clean it up. Just like with your mind. If you keep putting your worries
aside. If you keep giving them fuel by not dealing with them straight away.
Then you, yes you are the one who has to clean up. That milk carton has spilt everywhere and now instead of putting it somewhere else you have to clean up
and perhaps bin some of the food it has leaked over.
So today
I got a piece of paper and wrote numbering all the thoughts and worries I had.
Once I had done this - read them aloud. I realised just how silly some of them
were or how blinkered I had become. It made me feel selfish and ungrateful to
read these things. This in itself made me realise that they were wrong. It put
my thoughts in perspective rather than let them grow further. Then at last I
did the deed. I shredded it. My thoughts were wrong. They were not me. Now do
the same. You might be relieved to get some revenge on those nasty thoughts!
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